nobody told me that i would fall in love with you.
or that you would drive me crazy on a regular basis.
they didn't tell me that when i finally would discover the source of that horrible stench i'd been smelling for days, that its source would be your dirty clothes and dishes in places i had never before thought possible.
and they surely didn't tell me that i would never stop worrying about you no matter how old you are.
or that my job as a parent was never-ending because there's always new things to negotiate...new wrinkles to iron out.
and that no matter how many times you may come and go, my heart still aches when you go
i read those sayings.
you know...
the sayings about how we give our children roots and wings at the same time...
or that our children are never our own.
i thought they were so poignant.
so sweet
and meaningful.
and they are.
i just didn't fully understand about the reality
of them.
i knew you would leave someday
it was tucked away in the back of my head like a distant storm cloud,
making its way towards me
until it was here.
and now it's raining down on me.
it's time you make your own way
build your own life.
live on your own and face your future.
and i'm still going to be your mom
the best way that i know how.
that part will never change.
it's just different.
yet again.
6 comments:
WAHHH! Again with the post about child leaving- Willow posted one as well- so now here I am just a puddle, yearning for my gone child who is out there in his wonderful life without me- fuck! I should have plucked his wings when I had the chance...
beautiful. really beautiful.
Aw, I am sure she knows all of this.
I remember my Mom telling me how she was more worried how my brother would take it that she was pregnant with me than what my Dad might think. He was all of three then. She was about to tell him and she threw up..then when he saw she was sick ..he got sick. Of course, this year at Christmas he was the only one who remembered how much Mom would want Mamma Mia because he remembered how obessed she was with Abba when he was little, and they would dance around, acting out the songs.
You have to keep remembering those little things and hope you find more to laugh about soon.
Great stuff.
So, how close did you come to electrocuting yourself by raining tears on your keyboard when you wrote this?? That girl will be just fine---you taught her well. And she knows the road home when she needs you. And she still will. Promise!
xxo
awww...beautiful words, dawn. i haven't entered that phase of parenthood yet and i can only imagine how difficult and emotionally confusing it must be. she will be fine and i know you will, too. i just know it ;)
One thing I have to say, is that one of the periods of my life when I was closest to my mom (before she passed away much too early), was after I left home for college. The leaving was painful, but then the distance created a yearning, for friendship, for guidance, for advice, for everything else that made our relationship so wonderful even when apart. Your relationship with your daughter may become even more beautiful yet.
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