Friday, April 17, 2009

the other day, a friend and i were having dinner.
we're both the same age, we're both social workers and we're both struggling with the weirdnesses of life and over-analyzing and stressing over every little nuance of communication we'd had in the last thirty days ad nauseum.
basically, like we always do.
because we're both wired that way i guess.
when we'd had enough of ourselves, we started laughing
and then she told me that years ago one of her mentors had said to her
"the older you get, the more like yourself you become."
and she had never forgotten it.
because at the time, she was too young to really understand it.
but she knew that it was important enough to remember because
one day it would certainly make sense to her.
it was so perfectly wonderful that
i could only just sit there smiling, trying to take it in.

so maybe this explains it?
the older i'm getting, the less i'm understanding
which makes me feel out of control and vulnerable
which then knocks me completely out of balance
and then i do all kinds of stupid, ridiculous things
that totally sabotage myself
which makes me feel even more out of control
and then i get depressed until i can't stand myself anymore
and then i just have to laugh and surrender.

i'm thinking that this merry go round of reactions
just about encompasses every aspect
about myself which then validates the theory that
the older you get the more like yourself you become.


happy weekend!


Dumitru Caruntu said...
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Char said...

I think the older we become the more I understand myself...not that I always stop the merry go round but at least I understand the ride. LOL so yes, I would agree with that statement.

Linda Sue said...

The older I get the more comfortable I become ,knowing that when I knew EVERYTHING and every one else was stupid, I was most unhappy. I am on the other side now- knowing nothing, being stupid and liking it so much more- it's like a vacation from illusion where i can just sit back, drink my lemon drop martini and watch from my deck chair. Whewww....

PSUMommy said...

I don't know, I hope it's true, though.

LMN said...

Oh, I can totally appreciate the craziness that comes from overanalyzing and being too absorbed in trying to look at and understand every detail. I think it's just instinctual for some of us. Whether it is a personality trait or flaw, I don't know, but I think lovely people can have it, so I wouldn't worry too much about it. (Even though I do). But isn't it in those moments of surrender when we learn the most?

When I mentioned to my sis yesterday that I overanalyze, she laughed, and said, "Yeah, do you think?" and immediately followed with "But that's okay, someone has got to do it. And it can't be me, I would just stress myself out thinking about all the things you think about." Mmmmm-hmmmm... Yes. I do think there is a difference between analyzing and ruminating. The ruminating should stop, I tell myself. That analyzing can go on, but the second it turns to ruminating, just cut it out!

Cait said...

Well..some days are just better than others. My sinuses alone can churn out its own outcome.

kendalee said...

Absolutely right!! I so relate to this and am reassured that it's just the way things are supposed to be going... :o)

Linda Sue said...

But of course I LOVE YOU - marry me! Just heard on NPR the value once again of 20 minutes a day of emptying out your monkey brain with meditation, it completely changes chemistry and makes life lighter to handle, no more heavy lifting!

Heidi said...

Great, great post! And, oh, that's so pretty!

"the older you get, the more like yourself you become." I think that's so true. By the time I'm 60 and then onto 80 I should be at the top of my game! Ha! Seriously though, I loved this post.

Cait said...

Its good to hear from you. Yes, I'm excited about the soloist..just not sure if I'll see it when I want to. My friend I usually go with to these kind of films, recently has had a crisis in the family and is having to take care of her daughter.

Anyway, the aspargus is shooting up in my parents garden. Blooms on the strawberries. Hopefully, all will go well.

Thanks again for the note. It has been a bit trying for me lately with this storie. While I seem to think up more in my other story blog..but I never know..

Have a good week. I'm sure you are enjoying spring.

myinspired♥{sandra} said...

i think i understand just what you are saying....i tend to get more like myself all the time ;)

jenica said...

oh i so hear you.