self portrait tuesday

september's challenge is contrast



i have to say that september's challenge was incredibly meaningful to me and i will surely miss it. i apologize that i have been ridiculously self-absorbed and probably narrow minded in my interpretation of this challenge, but it served as a powerful catalyst to what had been out of focus for me lately. funny to realize that contrast is what my life seems to be made up of at this time. i didn't realize it until now. it's been a year of incredible changes for me, and with changes bring all kinds of contrasts to navigate and more importantly, to negotiate.

someday, you will want to put these feet into some high heels....some pumps, or a pair of great boots, or maybe even some sexy stillettos. but whatever shoes you decide to wear, remember that they will only carry you as far as you will let them. so let them take you to the ends of the earth and then back again.

happy fall friday

lazy bees, crisp air, woodsy smells, the rustling sound of fallen leaves on the ground when you walk through them and the scent of them when they're burning, harvest moons, candles, big bright marigolds, tart apples, county fairs, warm soup in handmade pottery bowls, orange flowers against purple skies

we're off to the beach to share in our niece's happiness as she takes her wedding vows.
have a great weekend!

it's getting to be that time of year when it gets harder and harder to get out of bed in the morning. i keep looking at the morning sky thinking that soon we'll be turning our clocks back anyhow and this should really be 5 am, not 6 am and why shouldn't i sleep a little longer? unfortunately, that doesn't work.

so lately i focus on watching the amazing sun angles that hit the leaves just starting to turn now, and feeling the cool air on my face while i drink a cup of strong coffee. it definitely makes it a little more worthwhile to get out of bed in the morning.

let me count the ways...

it's definitely more than four, i can tell you that.

self portrait tuesday

september's challenge is contrast


i struggle with the difference between looking and seeing.



many times i see better with my eyes closed.

how do you describe a schizophrenic zen buddhist?



he is at two with the universe.

:) smile. it's monday.

what do dogs think about?

probably not if their fur makes them look fat. or if gas will ever be below three dollars a gallon anymore. i doubt that they're stressing over the political climate or the sad economic outlook these days. no, i bet they don't think about those things.

but what do they think about? because with soulful eyes like these, they have to be thinking about something...

can i give you a big hug? because i really really like you a really lot and i think you're just the best ever and when i grow up, i want to be just like you because you're big and you're so pretty and you wear things i really want to wear and you do things i really want to do and i want to be just like you.

stacks, rows and columns

the other night blogger began acting demon possessed and my posts started disappearing . then i accidentally ended up posting this mosaic and couldn't find it again to save it to draft.
crazy making.
bottom line though, is that i found those great flickr toys and created this mosaic with their mosaic maker. i'm probably the last person on the face of the earth to have found them, but just in case i'm not, you can find them here and play with them too.
have fun!

a leaf and a feather gracefully floated down from above and found their rightful places on the back deck...the random order of nature.

my brother's girls

when i look at you girls, i see strength and joy, compassion and pure fun. i see the creative spark that brings light to your eyes. you give so freely of your love and who you are. you bring such happiness to those around you.
you are beauty personified and i am honored to be in your life and that you are in mine.
i love you.

self portrait tuesday

september's challenge is contrast



in february of 2007, i decided that it was time for me to take some weight off. 15 months and 130 pounds later, i reached my goal. and although it has been one of the most gratifying things i have ever accomplished, i struggle everyday with contrasts. the contrast between how i make sense of this different physical body of mine and how others see me. the contrast between what my eyes are trying to make sense of and what my head has always told me i looked like.

because now, they don't match up. no, not at all. it's one of the biggest contrasts and challenges i have ever faced.

lessons i've learned in middle age (so far)

1 i spend a lot of time trying to find myself but keep looking in the wrong places
2. soap dispensers can sometimes be unpredictable
3. my black and whites don't always make gray
4. sourdough bread is evil, but in a good way
5. cranky babies on an airplane are cuter when you're listening to your ipod
6. i should never have bitched about peanuts and a measly soft drink on flights-at least they were free then
7. one should always check the toilet roll dispenser first
8. the aisle and seat number is not the gate number in the world of airplane seat assignments
9. the older i get, the less i know
10. i have a blessed life because there are people that love me
11. everyone just wants to know that they matter
12. the dog is always going to have diarrhea on the rug that's on my side of the bed
13. the universe always provides
14, sometimes i actually need help with things
15. there's always going to be someone who does it differently, better, faster and more creatively. the trick is trying to be okay with that
16. yes means generally, maybe means no, no means possibly, possibly means generally which also means yes (possibly)
17. knowing what you don't want doesn't necessarily mean that you know what you do want
18. the more we tell the stories of our lives to others, the greater sense we make of ourselves
19. how we think about our life experiences helps us better define who we are
20. the way we cope with our lives is the way we'll cope with our deaths
21. in the end, it all comes down to love
22. if you tell me you're not afraid to die, i'll know you're lying...we're all afraid to die no matter how old we are
23. life is sacred and mystical
24. a watched pot eventually does boil
25. nothing's definite. the only thing that is constant is change
26. we're never ready to say goodbye to a loved one, the best we can do is hope that we can resolve ourselves to it somehow
27. i wasn't prepared to miss my father every single day of my life
28. you can never know what someone else's experiences are, even if you've gone through similar ones yourself
29. there is an order in chaos
30. you're always going to be the one to fill up the ice cube tray
31. our memories are our life jackets
32. taking risks in life is a necessity
33. your period will always start the day you wear white pants
34, sunday afternoon + football game + husband = snoring
35. trying to be true to yourself is difficult when you're having an identity crisis
36. the advent of wireless cell phone headsets has made it much more difficult to recognize those in the world with mental health issues
37. i will never, ever, never, never wear spandex
38. pizza is only good if the grease runs down your arm while you're eating it
39. it's harder to dig out from a world of shit when you have a broken shovel
40. did i say the older i get the less i know?

what are some of your favorite lessons learned?

lots of love xxoo

my dear friend gillian,

you and i must break up. it's true, i'm afraid our friendship must come to an end. and it's not because i don't love you. au contraire....i love you dearly. but being the foodie extraordinaire that you are, you have shown me your vile ways and now i can't seem to live without them.

like the onion dip? yes, it is evil. and although it was technically your mother that first enticed me to that wonderfully creamy, hot, bubbly vidalia onion decadence, it never would've happened had i not been at your house. the house of bad things as i have now affectionately deemed it.

and let's talk about those crab rangoons at the lotus that you introduced me to just this week. fried joy is what you call it as i remember. me? i call it fried sinful from the devil himself. and yes, that is a picture of my hand holding a fried sinful because i couldn't wait to get back to lotus to satiate my newly developed addiction to this bad bad thing for the second time this week.

and so, the time has come for us to part. i will miss you.

hugs and kissies,
dawn

ps can you give me the recipe for that tortilla soup with the sour cream topping that makes me smile for days after eating?

self portrait tuesday

september's challenge is contrast


when i joined the self portrait group, i had to muster up the courage to step into the light when staying back in the dark had been feeling so comfortable. taking the risk to show myself to others through my art, has made me painfully aware of how i have wasted a lot of time limiting myself by my inner struggles with contrasts ... the contrasts between temptation and discouragement.... between allure and dissuasion

i know it's all up to me, and i'm learning how to breathe through it. sometimes i'm hyperventilating, but at least i'm breathing.

butterflies, flowers and purple sequined shoes

is there anything better than being four years old and wearing a fancy dress with a bow in the back?
because when you walk, it walks too as it swishes around your legs and you wish you could wear it every single day for the rest of your life because when you wear it, you just know you look pretty.
it makes you feel special.
and you are.

the summer annuals are giving up their throne to their successors.


the sun angles are already changing


the cows are being looked after for their winter meals




and this becomes a familiar scene once again

what is it like to be the p.b. kid?


we lay on our bed and watch our pretty, pretty gold lamp make great shadows on the wall while it flutters in the breeze


we leave our shoes on the stairs


we accessorize with abandon and flair


our phone makes a lot of obnoxious noises as our friends text us non-stop

we work hard, we play hard, we find our way in this sometimes confusing world.

we have a mom that loves us deeply

oh how i love this bike. because the minute i get on it, i am 6 years old again and discovering my own sense of freedom. discovering my own pace. learning how to be independent and make choices about where to go and how fast to go and how to get there. choices that could keep me safe or put me at risk. discovering the world around me and what it's like to navigate it all on my own. putting cards in the spokes and listening to the clicking sound as the wheel spins. ringing the bell that was strapped to the handlebar. watching the plastic streamers that we used to put in the ends of the handlebars, flow in the wind.

every time i get on this bike, i go right back there. and it's fun. it's so fun.

lucky

there's nothing better on a weekend night than getting together with good friends. especially when they make you laugh, tell you what's inside their heads, feed you homemade salsa and give you a magic ride on their fantastical, free wheeling, turquoise colored vespa. i was lucky enough to share last weekend with three very good girlfriends.

s. n. and d. thank you for sharing your time with me.