hope your new year
is
filled
with happiness
all things light filled
and
a
whole
lot
of
magic.

i received my invitation to reality in the mail
yesterday
but
i had to decline
due to
other
obligations.

december

wishing you the happiest.
may it be filled with laughter and joy.
may every day be equally so.

i want the beautiful angles of
winter
skies
without the cold.

i want to have
insight and
growth.
without pain.

i want to
understand others.
without first judging them out of
fear.

i want there
to be peace among
all people.
without bloodshed.

i want to look
in the mirror
and just see me.
without my past and all the sadness and loss that
came
with
it.

i want these things.

when i was young,
i thought in terms
of
black
and
white.

and then
life happened
to me.
with its
romantic love,
and career
and being
a mom
and
i
realized that
i had to add
the importance
of grays
as well.

and now these
days,
i only
want
to
think
in
color.

things i need to make lists about

1. reasons why i felt compelled to eat an entire bag of brussels sprouts for dinner last night.

2. reasons why i always manage to spill an entire cup of coffee down my shirt only when i am wearing white

3. reasons why i would even think i could wear white shirts and drink coffee at the same time (see #2)

4. places where i put things that i want to keep "safe"

5. reasons why i feel i need to make lists all the time

i'm pretty sure that
my christmas button is broken.
i keep
pushing it
and
pushing it.

and nothing happens.

no warm fuzzies
or holiday cheer.
my heart isn't bursting with
altruistic tidings
of
all things christmas to humankind.

i think the connecting wires
were
severed and pulled apart.

does anyone know a good repairman?

because i'm definitely in need.