the dawn of an older age

2012-02-05T00:07:00.003-05:00

i believe that when we take in the energy of a place
and breathe it into our souls,
that a part of our own energy lingers there
long after we're gone

2012-01-31T10:54:00.003-05:00

i think i've finally realized
that what it might be all about
is trying to run a course of direction through the space of life
without running off the road trying to read the map

2012-01-24T20:17:00.005-05:00

the thing about time is that even when we try so very hard
to contain it,
it always slips through the cracks that we didn't see-
didn't account for
and had no way of knowing even existed
as
it washes over us every minute of the day and erodes us
like water over stones...
etching us into things that we never saw before-
didn't account for
and had no way of knowing even could
exist.

2012-01-15T10:17:00.002-05:00

it's never long that winter falls from grace before
it redeems itself again in the most
profound way.

2012-01-07T09:08:00.003-05:00

i wish i had known
that i didn't know what i thought i knew
so i at least would know something.

2011-12-30T12:54:00.000-05:00

even after all these years as a human, i'm still trying to figure it all out.....
learning how not to always stand on the edge of it, but walk into it...
sometimes wishing there were training footsteps with numbers on them showing me where to step and which foot to step with
knowing that even though it feels like it's set in stone, it really isn't because i have the power to change that,
and if i'm not careful, i could chip away at it so recklessly that i could reduce it to nothing but rubble.

in this new year,
let us all remember to step with care
and,
to dance when life feels heavy,
even when we don't have footsteps to follow along in.

i wish you all a beautiful new year.
xo

2011-12-24T18:40:00.004-05:00

streets lit with magic
the season of love and joy
breathing it all in

i wish you all a very joyous and wonderful christmas.
thank you for your visits here and thank you for your support.
merry christmas with love,
dawn

2011-12-14T21:25:00.001-05:00

the insomniac's cheat sheet
happy sleeping, everybody!
xo

2011-12-04T08:49:00.006-05:00

the 10 commandments of christmas season behavior

1. thou shalt not use "yuletide log" or "christmas balls" in a derogatory fashion

2. thou shalt not punch, hit or shove any human under the age of 10 in store lines. after the age of 10, it's all fair game.

3. thou shalt not wear fat pants for any longer period of time than january 30th at which such time the 8 pounds that have been gained should be well on their way to being gone

4. thou shalt refrain from dressing with any item of clothing that blinks, jingles or requires a battery

5. thou shalt not drink red bull and eat items with high sugar content at the same time. (this includes pets as well)

6. thou shalt bear in mind that there is a direct correlation between power bills and exterior lighting decorating choices

7. thou shalt act merry and brite at all times....even if it kills you.

8. thou shalt remember that there is only one christmas per year and that you will remember this christmas fondly every year after, giving anything to have it back.

2011-11-30T22:06:00.002-05:00

the trick with breathing space is
to remember that when you actually
get that space,
you have to breathe
as
well.

2011-11-24T08:38:00.004-05:00

may god give you the grace never to sell yourself short.
the grace to risk something big for something good.
the grace to know that the world is now too dangerous for anything but truth,
and too small for anything but love.
may god take your minds and think through them.
may god take your lips and speak through them.
and may god take your hearts
and
set
them
on
fire.

amen.

written by william coffin
and adapted by stephen shoemaker

happy thanksgiving to you all.
xo

2011-11-19T00:25:00.002-05:00

it's not fall if you don't rake tlhe leaves up
and then jump in them.
it's not fall if you don't catch sight of your shadow on the ground and notice how long it is,
jumping around and dancing like a ridiculous clown just to see how much longer you can make it.
it's not fall if you don't breathe in that earth rich smell,
or that familiar smokey scent of leaves burning in the distance....
if you don't become just a little wistful at the poignancy of the season's change....
the familiarity of it,
and the disbelief that it's happening yet again....
it's not fall if you don't anticipate the quiet breath of winter and the ever present longing for spring to return.
it's not fall if the amber light doesn't strip your soul down to the very core and humble your spirit.

2011-11-10T21:43:00.003-05:00

rhyme or reason.....
if i had to choose,
i could live without rhyme.....
but reason?
no, i can never live without that.

2011-11-02T22:01:00.000-04:00

he drove a VW beetle......
drove it all up and down the east coast,
he put his head through the windshield of one when someone pulled out in front of him.
after that terrible accidentt, he was forever pulling tiny glass shards out of his forehead....
like a constant reminder that life can suddenly change in an instant.

i was young then,
i don't really remember anything about it except the anxiety on my mother's face and waiting at the hospital for hours as i stood on a chair with my hands pressed on the windows looking out at the city below while the hot summer sun beat down on me.
it's curious the things that you remember,
and the things you don't.
i know now that my father probably faced down many fears when he got back behind the wheel of a brand new VW beetle,
but i never knew it then.
all i knew was that i always felt safe with him behind the wheel.

2011-10-30T11:07:00.003-04:00

it was impossible to know
if it was the light filled world
that moved them to dance,
or their dance that moved the
world to
fill
with
light.

2011-10-21T01:10:00.003-04:00

if i walked through the gate,
would i find the quiet place?
would i find the place where all things make sense?
the place where i could understand why things are not always the way i want them to be,
but the place of resolution that all things are as they are?
and if i didn't walk through that gate,
would it be okay if those answers were not there for me?

i don't know if i can walk through that gate,
and
i don't know if i can't.

2011-10-11T20:33:00.005-04:00

couldn't i just always
live in that little sliver of time
where the trees are perfectly lit up with their fall colors
and the sky is that soft cyan blue?

2011-10-01T22:46:00.002-04:00

the early morning light
is the light
that
runs through my veins
and
fills me with
the quiet hope that
all will be well.

the late day light
is the light
that i breathe
in,
and fills me with
the assurance that
indeed...
all was well.

2011-09-20T20:10:00.007-04:00

he asked me if i would take a walk with him and so i did.
we walked for a very long time
through all four of the seasons many times over and through mountains of patience
and
compromise and
crazy.
sometimes my feet would hurt and blister and i complain,
but he listens to me and supports me while i look for a band aid.
and
he always reaches out his hand to help me back up when i trip and fall
and smiles at me lovingly.

and then we walk some more.

2011-09-11T20:51:00.002-04:00

people have told me many
times,
they worry that
if they started to cry.....
they would never stop.

but what they don't realize,
is that every tear that falls is not
just from their eyes,
but from their heart.
and their heart is like a sponge....
it can only hold so much sadness
before it gets too heavy
and must shed its weight.

2011-09-06T21:15:00.005-04:00

if i sit and think about things,
then i feel guilty
that i've wasted time thinking
too much
and
not doing enough.

when i do a whole bunch,
then i feel guilty
that i haven't slowed down
and given more thought before
i acted.

so i was thinking that it might be good
to think about my thinking time
as actually doing something....
i'm thinking.

and to do my doing time as
a way of clearing my mind so
that i can think.

most times though,
i forget what i was thinking about
and usually can't remember what it was that i was supposed to do
anyways.....

2011-08-26T22:41:00.003-04:00

dear universe,

please let me cross my bridges with confidence.

let me pass with grace
and integrity
on my walks across.

may i always give myself permission
to stop and look behind me
to measure how far i've come,

may i not let how far i need to go
intimidate me or keep me from trying,

and...

may i always have a super cute outfit to wear,
so i can strut my stuff in style.

amen.

2011-08-19T22:14:00.001-04:00

she told me
that when people get missing,
it makes our spirits
weary
and then she yawned
and i knew
that she
would
never
stop
searching.

2011-08-14T19:17:00.002-04:00

i was thinking
of the ways that jam
and people
are similar to one another........

they both can spread themselves too thin
and sometimes too thick.....
they're both colorful and shine when the light hits them.....
and although no one would ever have thought to pair them with nuts,
when they are,
the effect is delightful

2011-08-07T15:59:00.004-04:00

some days,
it's all i can
do
to
be
the horizon
line
in this
vertical
world.

2011-07-31T10:55:00.002-04:00

even the strength
of rocks
can be broken
into little
pebbles
if we're not
careful to try
and
keep
balanced

2011-07-25T01:25:00.003-04:00

it wasn't until
she
stepped off the plane
that she
truly began
to
fly

2011-07-16T11:35:00.001-04:00

it was hard to discern
between
the fireflies
that lit the warm summer's night
and
the twinkling in her
happy,
shining
eyes.

2011-07-11T22:44:00.002-04:00

i'm stuck.
but not the kind of stuck
that's
between a rock
and a
hard
place.
but
the kind of stuck
when you discover
that you have gum on your shoe and you don't want to take another step
until you get it off so you don't stick it to anything else.
the kind of stuck
when you're finally all comfortable and peaceful
in bed
and then you discover you have to go to the bathroom.

the inertia kind of stuck.
the barnacle on a boat.
the clog in the drain.
the bogged down,
wheat pasted,
cemented
kind of stuck.

i'm in the midst of being stuck.....
which,
if you think about it...
is really action in and of itself...
the action of being stuck.
so....
maybe i'm really not stuck at all...
right?
or maybe not....

2011-07-03T09:56:00.002-04:00

you intensify
the light of the sun
when you smile at someone,
when you laugh,
when you
love.

2011-06-22T21:48:00.003-04:00

they say there are seven natural wonders of the world,
but for me,
by far,
there are so many more.......

the way a tree arches into the sunlight
and throws its shadow
across the landscape.....

the impeccable design of a bird's nest,
flawlessly executed.....

the dreamlike beauty of a
little girl
twirling in a pink
fluttery
skirt.....

there are so many more ways to wonder than seven.

2011-06-12T09:23:00.001-04:00

isn't the irony
of saying
"i have nothing to say"
such that
by saying
"i have nothing to say"
you in fact,
say
something?

2011-05-31T21:32:00.003-04:00

she told me that she
always wanted to stay up in her head
because
that's where all
the
good
memories
were.

2011-05-22T21:54:00.001-04:00

every time i turn the corner
on this
restless place
there is
more
restless
place

2011-05-16T21:08:00.002-04:00

growing up,
i was always told
to wipe my feet
when coming
into the house....
but i always
felt
that if i didn't
leave a muddy
footprint or two,
my mother would
never even know
i
had
ever
been
there.

2011-05-11T23:14:00.000-04:00

my rearview mirror
has a sticker on it
that says
objects appear closer
than they really are.....

i find that to be true
except when it comes
to people...

for
they are usually much
farther away
than they appear
and i can't seem to find a rearview mirror
that will make them
come
any
closer.

2011-05-02T14:09:00.001-04:00

he wasn't as
broken
as he thought he was.

he had just
forgotten
to take the bandaid off.

2011-04-30T08:49:00.002-04:00

i met a man and his mustache.....

his take on the world
through the viewfinder.

embracing life
and people
passionately and compassionately.

patrick

2011-04-25T16:33:00.009-04:00

this is
how to
do
being.

because,

there
is beauty
in this magical house.
and

there
is magic
in the beautiful woman
who owns this house.....

this
house
on ocracoke island.

be

2011-04-15T19:43:00.003-04:00

ten things that will happen while i am away:

1. i will not say the following words: routine, mandatory, scheduled, or necessary
2. i will not hear a xylophone alarm at 6:30 am or any other time of the day or night
3. i will say that i am well when asked how i am and i will really mean it
4. i will forget what day of the week it is as well as the current month and year
5. i will not experience the following emotions: frustration, impatience, shame or intolerance
6. i will allow myself to take a nap if i am tired
7. i will look up.....often
8. i will feel the power of the earth beneath my feet and the ocean before me
9. when the sun rises, i will be there to watch it
10. i will remember this time always

be well.
see you in a couple of weeks.
ox

2011-04-10T22:35:00.002-04:00

dear raspberries,

thank you for being made so perfectly for
each of my fingertips.
you taste even better
when
i can pop you right into my mouth
off of each of my fingers......
one
by
one.

love,
dawn

2011-04-03T17:22:00.002-04:00

if i could be any place at all,
i would want to be a windowsill.

but,
i'd only want to be a windowsill if the sun shone on me.

and,
i'd only want the sun to shine on me if i was adorned with flowers in small glass jars.

but,
i'd only want flowers in small glass jars to adorn me if they were wildflowers picked by little children's hands.

and,
i'd only want those wildflowers picked by little children's hands if they gave me a big hug to go along with them.

i'm not picky though....
because
any big hug from little children's hands will be fine by me.

2011-03-27T09:28:00.000-04:00

the train of thought arrived
and i forgot
to
get
on
it

2011-03-20T10:38:00.002-04:00

flowers never require a leap of faith
to bloom,

no arm twisting.....
to charm

they just bloom...
they shine,
they are.

2011-03-13T23:04:00.003-04:00

you don't have to have
perfect vision
to see someone
on a
soul
level.

2011-03-06T11:47:00.003-05:00

there are parts to every person
that are more tended to
than
others....
parts that are caged,
parts that roam free,
parts that are in the light
and parts that are in the shadows.
sometimes they fight with one another,
sometimes they are harmonious.

i'm not sure these parts make up a
whole or that they are even meant
to....
because the imperfection of parts...
tended to and not....
these fragmented parts,
are our essential nature.
i think we are always incomplete.

to be whole,
means being unbroken,
being perfect...
something i know
i will never achieve.

2011-02-28T22:36:00.003-05:00

i recognize you....
the air around you is lilting
and everything dances to your rhythm

hello spring.

2011-02-20T10:22:00.002-05:00

watched
ice
never
melts

2011-02-17T13:13:00.002-05:00

from memory
from metaphor
from faith
from sorrow
from time
from seasons
from song
from prayer
from ashes
from hope
from grandmothers
from love
from butterflies
from dreams
from struggle
from growth
from laughter

i am.

2011-02-13T21:56:00.001-05:00

may love always shine for you.

happy valentine's day
xox

2011-02-11T21:47:00.003-05:00

it happens every year.
usually during the crappiest of all crappy winter days.....

they arrive.

the spring colors.

suddenly, the stores are full of
the perkiest of pinks,
the grassiest of greens,
the mints,
the salmons,
a perfect plethora of pantone prospects adorning every rack.

what do i do?

i fall in love.
and i buy....
i buy in a big way.

and then i put them in my closet
where they wait for warmer weather to arrive....
full of the prospects of sunshiney days and spring in my steps.
until i look at them and wonder......

why, pray tell, do i do this to myself?
because these colors were not meant for me
oh no......
on me?
the greens are ghastly.
the pinks look perfectly putrid....
the salmons......sickly.

i must learn to curtail my color conventions.

i vow not to pine for purple pants.

2011-02-06T21:17:00.002-05:00

i believe
in the contradictions......

the uncertainties....

the in betweens

i believe in
the grays of
life.

2011-01-28T21:57:00.004-05:00

i've heard it said that
you take the weather with you,
and since i
really can't afford
the extra airfare for hurricanes
i guess i'll just ride
out the storm
and wait to travel
on
a clearer day.

2011-01-20T10:54:00.001-05:00

i'm trying
to help my
sense of
urgency
understand
its
sense of
direction

2011-01-13T23:39:00.002-05:00

winter casts its
inertia
over
all
things...
like tonic immobility..

i quietly
hide
and wait for it
to pass.

2011-01-08T11:11:00.003-05:00

i think that
dolphins always
have a smile
on their
face
because they
know that
they are the stars of
the show,
no matter how many sailboats are
around

2010-12-26T18:31:00.003-05:00

i listened
to
the
(s) now
fall
in
(g)iant
sheets of
fro
zen
vap
(or)dinarily
with
little
sound.

2010-12-18T09:21:00.000-05:00

bad
santa
jail

2010-12-07T22:31:00.003-05:00

the memories'
roots
still
thrive
although
the blooms
withered and
died
long
ago.

2010-12-03T00:24:00.002-05:00

we're all like tops.....
constantly spinning.

trying to find our
balance....

we may
spin alone..
we may
bump into one another
but we always
spin on our
own
volition...

afraid to
slow down
knowing
we
would
spin
no
longer.

2010-11-28T11:09:00.000-05:00

it doesn't
matter
what you see
when
you open your eyes,
if
the
sun doesn't
shine
for
you

2010-11-21T22:38:00.004-05:00

sometimes....
it's
necessary
to
rake
leaves
even
during
a
windstorm.

the trick
is
hanging
on
to
the
rake.

2010-11-11T22:41:00.000-05:00

if no one is
listening...
is it
still
a
story?

2010-11-06T10:11:00.002-04:00

dogs.

they embrace the oddities
of
man
and still
adore
him
anyway.

2010-10-31T01:11:00.003-04:00

i often think
of
the many
moments
that
make
up
my day
and wonder
exactly how
many of those
moments
are
required
to
make
up
my
life?

2010-10-25T11:55:00.002-04:00

p is for pumpkin that sat on the sill
and waited for halloween to come
until......
the knife came out, the carving began
the pumpkin jumped up
and
away
it
ran

2010-10-17T12:28:00.003-04:00

when
memories of
people and their
lives
can no longer be
contained under
one single rooftop,
they float up
into the sky
and make
rainbows.

2010-10-10T22:05:00.005-04:00

do you know what i mean?
she asked me....
and i said i did,
but of course...
how could i ever really know especially when she wasn't sure herself
and
there were
still so many
deceptions yet
to
be
embraced.

2010-10-03T12:07:00.003-04:00

i always carry a rolling pin around
with me,
just because
i never
know
when i
might be
in need
of
an emergency
apple
pie.

2010-09-26T11:52:00.000-04:00

each time,
i unravel
just
a
little
less

more
of
me
in tact

more
of
me

2010-09-12T17:06:00.002-04:00

is it harder
to
leave?
or
to be
the
one
left
behind?

there is a time to leave.
there is a time to be left.

i'm just having difficulty
understanding which it is
that i am doing
at
this
time.

2010-09-09T23:33:00.002-04:00

do birds
use
the hunt
and
peck
method
of
typing?

2010-09-05T09:31:00.003-04:00

the other day i was thinking about my relationship
with numbers......

the number of kisses
my husband has given me on my neck

the number of hugs
my daughter has wrapped me in

or

the number of glorious sunsets
my eyes have taken in

the number of hours
my ears have absorbed such wonderful music
that it's sent me to another world

the number of times
a photograph or an idea has come together in that
glorious aha moment

i take those numbers for granted.
in fact,
i don't even know what
those numbers are....
i never take the time
to honor them.

and yet,

in 50 days,
i will turn 50.

and i have let
that number
so
negatively
define
me...
twist
me......
chain
me.

i think
i'm going to try to
talk numbers
into
doing some
therapy
with
me
so we can
have a
better
relationship.

2010-08-29T19:46:00.002-04:00

out
of step
out
of time
out
of balance
out
of
mind.

silence.

2010-08-16T22:25:00.004-04:00

you never
know
when the moment will
b e.

when you
just happen
to catch a glimpse
of
s o m e t h i n g.

a casual glance tossed a particular way,
that gets caught
and becomes forever ingrained
in
your
h e a r t.

something you'll carry with you forever.
those moments that
become part of your historical
t r e a s u r e s.

2010-08-07T12:22:00.002-04:00

living life
on
a
cloud
of
smug

2010-07-26T22:11:00.002-04:00

if my hair fell

out of

head,

i'd plant flowers

there instead

and

water them

with ideas

so they

would

grow in

all

different

colors.

2010-07-06T21:14:00.000-04:00

it's possible,
that
anything
is possible
if you believe
that
nothing
is
impossible
for
you.

2010-07-03T10:48:00.002-04:00

hello
yellow.

2010-06-23T20:26:00.001-04:00

lately,
i've been having a lot
of
fights
with vulnerability
and
vulnerability wins
every time.

i really hate that.

2010-06-19T09:03:00.002-04:00

and the
little
dog
laughed
and
laughed
til her sides
split
and
she
peed
her
pants.

2010-06-13T16:35:00.003-04:00

looking for
a
roadmap
to
a
parallel
universe and
hoping
i can
speak
the
language
once i
get
there.

2010-06-07T22:50:00.002-04:00

when i was
little,
i was told to stay on
the
path.
"watch for the markers
and
stay on the path
or
you might get lost"
i was
told.

so i would
dutifully look
for the markers
because i surely
didn't want
to
get lost.

later,
i realized
that the markers i was looking
for,
weren't the markers for the path
i had been
on.

i had been
following completely
different
markers
all
along.

and
it
wasn't
bad
at
all.

2010-06-03T20:21:00.003-04:00

in this space,
i
shall
breathe.

2010-05-30T18:25:00.006-04:00

"the edges are important"
she said,
"because
you never
know when
you're going to need
them
to keep
you
from
falling."

2010-05-27T19:09:00.002-04:00

i need
a
vacation
from myself,
but
the flights
are
too
expensive.

2010-05-22T13:09:00.005-04:00

just
a
slice
of
perspective
served up
with a
topping
of
cluck.

2010-05-18T23:00:00.001-04:00

don't wake me
please.
i choose to stay here
and
eat
strawberries.
lots
and
lots
of
strawberries.

2010-05-15T14:24:00.001-04:00

watering
the
garden
suddenly takes on a
whole
new
meaning
when you live
with a
dog.

2010-05-11T19:49:00.002-04:00

don't let the calm
exterior
fool
you,
she said.
there is plenty
of
restlessness
inside
but i manage
to keep it tamed
with
lots
of
sunshine
and
fried
dough.

2010-05-05T22:06:00.002-04:00

i never get
tired
of
being
astounded.

2010-05-01T18:43:00.005-04:00

i have found
that
stretching boundaries
usually won't make
them
break
but sometimes
i get
into
trouble
when i
ignore
the
no
trespassing
signs.

2010-04-26T18:55:00.004-04:00

the brightest
point
is
not always
the
most
important
part.

2010-04-21T22:31:00.003-04:00

dreams help me
find
my
peace
in this
sometimes
emotionally
exhaustive
world.

2010-04-16T17:01:00.013-04:00

in the world
of neuroscience,
the
brain
is referred to
as
the 2.5 pound
universe

we have more brain synapses
than all the stars
in
all
the
galaxies
right
within
us.
suddenly,
exercising
my
brain
takes on
a
whole
new
meaning

2010-04-11T12:39:00.003-04:00

these days,
i need
glasses
to
even
read
between
the
lines.

2010-03-31T21:40:00.002-04:00

we took the red candy apple
bikes out
tonight to enjoy
the last rays of the day tickling the tender green grass
and the flare of the sun
reached into my head
and filled it with happiness
and i
thought to myself
these
are the
best
days
of
our
lives.

2010-03-27T16:44:00.001-04:00

i think that
if you express your joy,
it will
become
even

bigger.

2010-03-23T20:13:00.004-04:00

she looked and looked
but
she could
never
see
her
future.

2010-03-18T20:43:00.002-04:00

today:

i smelled freshly cut grass
i wore pink
i thought about calling in sick to work
i sneezed........a lot
i wondered how the sky could be so blue
i heard birds singing
i drove with my sun roof open
i watched pink cherry blossoms wave against puffy white clouds

and so it begins.
hello again, spring.

you're a sight for sore eyes